• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

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    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

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Jammy Dodgers & Screen Sirens

I have always been disappointed by my level of sophistication.  In my head I’m aiming for Lauren Bacall meets Ava Gardner, in reality it’s more Hattie Jacques meets Marge Simpson.

Nowhere is my failure more apparent than in the arena of biscuits.  Screen sirens of yesteryear would probably sit down to a small, but powerful espresso accompanied by an unfiltered Gauloise cigarette and a slim biscuit with a delicate hint of nuttiness.  For me, elevenses are not elevenses without a vat of tea and a small stack of jammy dodgers.

Ah, Jammy Dodgers – the Carry On films of the biscuit world.  Not cool, not classy, indeed juvenile in the extreme, but in my world faultless.

I would like to redeem myself by at least insisting on choosing the original brand, but to honest, I’m just as happy with the own brand Jam Sandwich affairs.

In fact, my only preference is purely aesthetic, in that I am rather keen on the versions that have a little heart at the centre, almost as though Kath Kidston, bored of adding chintz to every other part of our lives, had decided to redesign our snacks too.

At the same time, I have to admit that The Big Sleep would have been a slightly less classy affair had Lauren Bacall been sporting crumbs all over her tailored suit and the odd jammy residue between her teeth.   Ms Jacques, however, could carry off that look with aplomb. ‘Ohh, Matron!’

Dawn Isaac

10 Responses

  1. I quite like the ones with smiley faces!

  2. I just feel a but guilty eating those ones. It’s akin to biting the heads off jelly babies – delicious but with Hannibal Lector undertones

  3. My problem with Jammy Dodgers is not the biscuit or the dodging but the Jam. More specifically the hardness and stickiness of the jam. In reality it is more like a cross between jam flavoured Copydex and a disc of Velcro.
    Is it too much to ask for a small dollop of proper jam to go with my biscuit? Some may say that the purpose is to stick the biscuit together.
    I disagree. the cream filling should be enough.
    After all neither a custard cream nor a bourbon require extra glue.
    Bring back real jam.*

    *Although ‘bring back’ assumes that there ever was real jam which I doubt. Except in the case of a home made Jammy Dodger and life may be too short for even the ever resourceful Dawn to go that far. Mind you, if you give the girl a challenge……

  4. PS Jammy or Jammie?
    Speaking as someone who spent the first few years of his life being called Jamie* I prefer the former.

    *A few very old friends of my mother’s still call me Jamie. I find it rather unnerving.

  5. I thought I had imagine the ones with hearts. I’m glad I hadn’t.

  6. I was going to try and find some screen sirens who had biscuity names. The closest I could manage was Ryvita Hayworth, and Ryvitas aren’t even biscuits.

  7. James – You have gone from 007 to a child’s cartoon character with a magic torch. What a difference an ‘ie’ can make.

    HM – For Ryvita Hayworth, I think we should make an exception.

    I could only get Biscuit Bardot – which is weak, weak, weak. Martyn Cox should surely rise to this challenge.

  8. Abbey ‘Titmuss’ Crunch (Ok she isn’t a screen siren)

    but Ginger ‘Nuts’ Rogers was and

    Gary Baldi and Di Gestive were surely film extras

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