• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

  • Biscuit Encounters on Twitter

  • The Synod of Biscuitry

    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

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Custard Krays

With a title such as that you would imagine a dangerous biscuit to be large, weighty, or potentially nutty.  The type of biscuit likely to cause bodily harm if thrown, or anaphylactic shock if you suffer with a nut allergy.  However, the biscuit deemed to be ‘The most dangerous biscuit in Britain’, and as such the hard man of the biscuit world, is none other than the unassuming and often overlooked Custard Cream.  You can read other interesting findings from the original study in the full article here.

Once upon a time I actually enjoyed the odd Custard Cream, of course by “odd” I actually mean packet, but I don’t think I ever suffered burns and I most definitely did not poke myself in the eye with one.  What short sighted, blundering buffoon actually did that?  Then again, I do wear geeky black spectacles, which act very much like safety goggles.

Anyway, my liking for the “dangerous” Custard Cream has somewhat dwindled in recent times.  I find them far too sickly and of course they are no match for the mighty  Jammie Dodger.

So the next time you are selecting a packet of biscuits risk assess exactly what the dangers may be and what you may be getting yourself in to.  Do you, like me, wear safety goggles? Are you new to dunking? Or, do you have poor dentistry?  Whatever the answer it may just be wise to steer clear of ‘The most dangerous biscuit in Britain’.  The tiny Custard Cream!

Ryan Lewis


5 Responses

  1. Never got along with the custard creams. tried, but they always felt like a disappointment compared to Bourbons. i struggle to see how a custard cream might cause injury (accidental at least). could it be the soft cuddly name lulls the biter into a false sense of security, a mental corner where no danger lurks?

  2. I always thought Custard Creams were the sort of biscuit Walter the Softie would eat.

  3. I have to say I have no deep seated feelings one way or t’other for the custard cream but what I can’t quite get my head around is what is actually in it.
    Now I can understand that there is chocolate i.e. cacoa (yes that is the correct spelling) in a “chocolate bourbon” and ginger (sorry zingiber) in a ginger nut but the custard cream is surely taking things just one step too far. (Has no-one read the 1968 Trade Description Act *.)

    I’m no great chef, but even I know that proper custard is a sort of smooth sweet scrambled egg (well it is if it curdles), yet the list of ingredients** on a packet of custard creams makes no mention of egg, dried, reconstituted or otherwise.

    Biscuit or not, it’s just downright misleadingt!

    *The Trade Descriptions Act 1968 makes it an offence for a trader to apply, by any means, false or misleading statements, or to knowingly or recklessly make such statements about goods and services

    **Wheat Flour, Sugar, Vegetable Oil, Dried Skimmed Milk, Wheat Starch, Whey Powder (From Milk), Raising Agents (Ammonium Bicarbonate), Salt, Flavourngs, Emulsifier (Soya Lecithin), Colour (Beta-carotene).

  4. Hate the biscuit, loved the writing!

    Best Wishes

    Robert Webber

  5. Don’t eat them now. But when I was a child I treated them with great respect & carefully separated the two halves. Ate the biscuit one then carefully scraped the cream off the other one with my teeth & then proceeded to eat the biscuit. No mask,goggles or safety equipment required!

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