This is all going rather well isn’t it? In the few weeks since this blog emerged, dripping from the collective slime of our imaginations many people have visited and a satisfying number of you have contributed.
Lest you think that this is just something thrown together one evening I thought that I would take this opportunity to outline the substantial benefits of contributing to this Blog. There is a well considered reward system – quite like a Tesco clubcard but considerably more prestigious – in place.
It is based, as those of you who could be bothered to read all the stuff in the sidebars of this Blog, on the Jacob’s Club Biscuit. For those of you who are either too young or too foreign to remember, the Club biscuit was (and doubtless remains) a much loved teatime stalwart. In my house it was not just any teatime, however, but a particularly special teatime treat. Visiting Grannys. Birthdays. Compensation for pet bereavements/personal injuries etc
They were particularly famous because of the advertising jingle: “If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, Join our club”. Very catchy.
Anyway. The hierarchy of this Blog decrees that after you have written Five posts you will receive the title plain. This may be used on business cards, stationery, vehicle livery, servants’ uniforms etc. The correct usage is ‘M.Diacono,plain’ (the lower case is important).
After Ten contributions you may describe yourself as ‘The Orange M.Diacono’ (we are very much hoping that either George Hamilton or that antique fellow off the telly will reach this level).
After Twenty you become ‘M.Diacono of that Mint’
And after Twenty- five you will be styled ‘His (or Her) Fruitiness, M.Diacono’.
There is also a special Award that can be given at the discretion of the Plenipotentiary committee as reward for any particularly outstanding service. The correct address for this award is ‘M.coffee.Diacono’. It is very rare.
So now you know.