I well remember my childhood parties in the 1970s; a game of What’s the Time Mr Wolf?, arguing over my new Action Man (no it’s mine, you can’t play with it), followed by a slap up tea party where the table would be laden with bowls of crisps, fizzy pop, jelly, sausage rolls, cubes of cheese and pineapple speared on cocktail sticks, and plates of full fat, sugary sweet biscuits riddled with just about every E number known to man – eating a handful of these chemical filled delicacies had the potential to turn any saintly child into a miniature hooligan who would almost certainly be served with an ASBO these days.
But did we care? No! Those biscuits were bloody tasty and I grieve the passing of some and the removal of the menace-making additives from others.
As a father of two I go to many kids’ parties today, which are sadly a poor imitation of what I experienced as a child. The tummy ache inducing feast of yore has been replaced by a healthy middle class mix of carrot sticks, bowls of houmous, breadsticks, pieces of fruit and those wretched Pom-Bear crisps. Even raisins are banned, described by these no-sugar fascists as ‘baby crack’.
So in honour of the old times, when a child could eat a Penguin without his parents being ostracised or when a Jammie Dodger was considered to be a suitable break time snack at school (5 a day in the 70s consisted of a packet of crisps, a Jammie Dodger, a packet of sweet cigarettes, a Black Jack chew and a packet of Trebor Blobs), I present my top ten biscuits from my childhood parties.
Top Ten biscuits at my childhood parties
1 Jammie Dodgers.
2 Cadbury Animal Biscuits.
3 Chocolate Fingers.
4 Party Rings.
5 Funny Faces.
6 Iced Gems.
7 Malted Milk.
8 Fox’s Sport Biscuits.
9 Pink wafers.
10 Biscuits filled with mallow, whose name I can’t remember (if you know, please tell).