• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

  • Biscuit Encounters on Twitter

  • The Synod of Biscuitry

    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

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Council workers given advice on how to eat biscuits

One council has even claimed to have supervised tea breaks for safety reasons. The tea and biscuit policies were disclosed in a survey about accidents caused by biscuits which was sent out as a joke by a biscuit company. The fictitious ‘British Biscuit Advisory Board’ was created as part of a £3m marketing campaign by Fox’s biscuits.

National televison advertisements and billboards highlighted its campaign to ‘educate the public about responsible biscuit choices and promote safer biscuit eating practices’.

A spoof ‘workplace biscuit risk assessment test’ – written in bureaucratic Health and Safety language – was created and issued to 5,849 council workers across the UK. A total of 813 over-cautious council employees clicked through to the online survey and 437 worried workers actually took the time to complete it.

According to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, 400 people a year in Britain had to be treated in Accident and Emergency departments for biscuit-related accidents. These included ‘somebody falling over while reaching for a biscuit’, someone slipping on a chocolate biscuit on their stairs and various people choking on biscuits.

However, a spokesman urged councils not to panic about biscuit-related injuries and suggested people should just use common sense.

Mike Driver, Fox’s Marketing Director, said: “We developed the idea of the British Biscuit Advisory Board as a parody of the nation’s obsession with Health and Safety – but we never thought it would be taken quite so seriously.”

A total of 441 primary councils were targeted by the survey. Of the 5,849 workers sent the survey 1,556 were in human resources departments and 516 worked in health and safety.

Big thanks to Lila Das Gupta for making the Commissar aware of this breaking news

2 Responses

  1. Presumably Fox’s will be withdrawing their highly dangerous tins of biscuits (seeing they featured in the accident stats in the first place) as a result of their findings from this survey 😉

  2. It was only a matter of time!

    I wonder if they created a hierarchy of dangerous biscuits? As we all know from my last post the custard cream is practically lethal!

    How I ling to go back to the good old days pre H&S!


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