For decades the British have succeeded in raising the collective continental eyebrow for at least a fraction of an inch or so with their obsession of all things biscuit-y. It is only thanks to this formidable blog, recently set up by yours and mine favourite hat stand, that all has been revealed concerning this thus far inexplicable fascination for the humble biscuit.
Allegedly it’s not so much a complete British immersion in the nice cuppa with a biscuit thingy, but rather a case of not knowing your koekie from your biscuit, or cracker as the case may be. Many Brits apparently call all things crumbly and yummy a biscuit. Poor deluded things!
A case in point is our dear Sock, who is under the erroneous impression that a TUC is a biscuit. Of course not, it’s a cracker, the clue is in its name: The Ultimate Cracker. Some nasty fiend must have been pulling the wool over our award winning Sock’s eyes and led her up the garden path in a most despicable way.
Such a shame that so many Brits are labouring under the delusion that koekies and/or crackers are biscuits. This blog has flushed out several of these rabid biccy-istas who sadly mistake koekies such a Jammie Dodgers for biccies. It’s frightfully embarrassing and of a cringe-worthiness to the power of cheese to witness their huge lack of understanding, but that’s unfortunately the way the koekie crumbles.
In The Netherlands people are schooled from a very early age in the immensely important subject of koekie, cracker and biscuit lore. Imbibed with mother’s milk comes that superior and vast knowledge that helps us to instantly identify what’s what. No Dutch person will ever mistake a koekje for a biscuit or a biscuit for a cracker. And frankly, non-Dutch can learn this difficult skill too if they are prepared to work hard, very hard.
As a warm-hearted and kindly person in possession of a huge brain and also being of the Dutch persuasion yours truly is frightfully suitable, not to mention hugely qualified, to teach those ignoramuses who cannot tell their biscuits from their koekjes, a vast amount of KBC knowledge.
So sit up straight and pay attention, and yes that goes for you in the back too!
First up the difference between a biscuit and a cracker: all things that look biscuit-y but are savoury are crackers. Sorted in one fell swoop!
Distinguishing between a biscuit and a koekie is slightly more complicated but if you will apply yourself diligently, it won’t be impossible to reach breathtakingly ethereal heights in koekie wisdom and you will be able to crank up your inner smugness level a few notches at the same time as well.
The first step in determining whether it’s a koekje or a biscuit: a koekje is served with a cup of coffee, a biscuit is served with a cuppa tea. The second and final step consists of one burning question: is it dunkable? Biccies are and koekjes are not. Here endeth the lesson.
Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen
* The correct spelling of the word cookie is koek, koekje or koekie as it is a Dutch word that has been frightfully mangled in the past by those who surely must have failed even the simplest of spelling bees.