This summer I visited a temple in Northern India.
I was browsing the glass cases containing models of the gods and noticed that piles of offerings stacked in the corners included several packets of McVities Digestives. This backbone of British biscuitness was obviously considered to be a snack necessity for deities.
A digestive? Reliable yes, but surely if you are a god who has made the exhausting journey into the afterlife, you would want something more glamorous than the digestive to refresh and revitalise? Granted, it is one of the more versatile biscuits on the market – no other can be enjoyed equally in a dunking capacity or with a slab of creamy Stilton – not forgetting their valuable contribution to the cheesecake base.
Which biscuit would be appropriate in the afterlife? It rather depends on where you end up. If you’re en route to ‘the other place’, a chocolate coating would be inappropriate because of it’s melting properties. A water biscuit might be just the thing, it would become high baked and pleasant to sustain you on your journey through all eternity with the wasps, many tailed dogs and so forth.
If you’re lucky enough to be headed upwards, how about the rainbow happiness of the iced gem?
Wherever I end up, I would like to think there was a good brew and a plate of biscuits waiting, but I would have to confess to a stab of disappointment if all Nirvana had to offer was the humble digestive.