• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

  • Biscuit Encounters on Twitter

  • The Synod of Biscuitry

    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

Crumbs

Crumbs in the sofa
Under the cushions
In the carpet
Down my jumper
It was only a couple of biscuits
For goodness sake!

And, as I move, more scatter
Winnowing free from my jeans
My slippers, discarded by my feet
Are now prickly with them

I leave a trail to vacuum up later
A dusting of biscuit across the floor
As I crunch over the kitchen tiles
To find the dustpan and brush

Crumbs in the sofa
Down the sides of the arms
On the footstool
Stuck in the TV remote

It was only a couple of biscuits
How did they get there?

I should have dunked them

Soaked them in my mug of tea

Risked that sudden avalanche

When soggy biscuits fall apart

And, as I brush and bitch to myself

I swear that next time it’ll be okay

Because next time I won’t just buy HobNobs
I’ll buy chocolate-coated HobNobs instead

Trisha Herlihy

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4 Responses

  1. EeeK! I hate reading my own stuff but, horrible pedant that I am, the stanza on this should run, 6, 4, 4, 6, 4, 4.

  2. Only trouble with chocolate hob nobs: you get crumbs and sticky bits of melted chocolate, everywhere. Even if you only have two.

    It’s not that much of a problem, not really, means there is always something to nibble later on.

  3. Yes, that might have been a bit of creative licence about ‘only two’ biscuits, who am I trying to kid!

  4. I love this. I hoovered the sofa yesterday and it was absolutely full of crumbs. Where do they all come from? My husband is always amazed that he finds biscuit crumbs caught in my hair – this is even odder because we rarely have biscuits.

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