• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

  • Biscuit Encounters on Twitter

  • The Synod of Biscuitry

    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

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Singing in the Biscuit Tin


Holiday times are always a bit special for us because it’s when we get to spend some quality time with our niece and nephew. They live quite a way away, so we only get to see them a few times a year and they’re growing up sooooo fast. They’re at the age (12 and 8) where they still appreciate the company of their uncle and auntie, so whenever there’s an outing in the offing they clamour to come with us rather than their parents.

Last holidays were no exception and on our final night’s stay we went out for a meal in Leeds to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday. This turned out to be a little more arduous than usual owing to the snow and ice, so desperate measures were needed to ensure our young charges were kept entertained, having already exhausted the possibilities of Dr Who, Harry Potter and Top Gear.

I finally resorted to dimly remembered songs we’d sung on the back seat of the coach on long school trips. To my surprise the many rounds of You’ll Never Get to Heaven turned out to be a big hit. Having already sniggered over the faults of Scout’s knees (too knobbly) and Playtex bras (won’t stretch that far) as skyward conveyances, the following verse was voted the best one because it’s really silly:

Oh you’ll never get to heaven

In a biscuit tin

‘Cos a biscuit tin’s

Got biscuits in

Now all together everyone, one, two three…

Though judging by the look on everyone’s faces, perhaps dad and Maria have gone through most of the verses

Michelle Chapman. plain.

4 Responses

  1. I thought you meant this song…rather magically the biscuit lyrics fit perfectly.

    And by perfectly I mean with the addition of ‘some’ before ‘biscuits in’

    And at a push, it even fits this wide-trousered classic

    I hope this doesn’t take my day over

  2. Mark – I did find myself mesmerised by those very options when putting this post together.

    Be very pleased I didn’t choose this one in spite of it actually containing the actual verse quoted near the very end:

  3. And I must apologise for the horrifyingly large count of misplaced apostrophes strewn around with gay abandon in the above post 😮

  4. PS I think my nephew would like the translation of his age into a cool looking dude! If you hover over it, you’ll see what I originally wrote 8)

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