• The Tenuous Purpose

    This Blog is built - not, as some might expect, on a flimsy whim but on a strong and single minded principle.

    That principle concerns Biscuits and their position in the world.

    We are really very keen on biscuits.
    As are many of you out there.
    We think.

    We wish to create an archive of Arrowroot, a backlog of Bourbons and a catalogue of Chocolate Fingers. Anybody can contribute an entry - or dispute somebody else's - provided they are not dull.
    Even Americans who perhaps don't really have the heritage of biscuitry that we are fortunate to have here.

    Or maybe they do and we are unaware of the full glory of the cookie.

    We realise that this whole subject is admirably and concisely dealt with by that excellent and unbeatable website A Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down. Our feeble efforts will be as the kicking of a gadfly in the face of their wisdom and experience but we hope that we may have a small contribution to make.

  • Biscuit Encounters on Twitter

  • The Synod of Biscuitry

    James Alexander-Sinclair of Blackpitts
    Gardener, Blogger, Journalist, Lecturer etc, etc. Much of his life is spent loafing around other people’s gardens issuing directives and generally cluttering up the place. However, like the great Mr Kipling, he does (occasionally) make exceptionally good gardens. (Although even Mr Kipling messed up a bit with the Carrot and Walnut Mini Classics.)

    Mark Diacono of Otter Farm
    He does sterling work growing many inappropriate plants in Devon. He dedicates a great deal of time and effort nurturing a plethora of plants that are (mostly) totally unsuited to our climate. His is a life of such extreme eccentric dedication that to start a Blog about Biscuits seems perfectly normal. He treads gently in the footsteps of people like the great William Buckland,a professor of Geology who claimed that he could tell location by tasting the local topsoil.

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My thanks to Max Alexander-Sinclair for drawing our attention to this site, Pimp That Snack

The idea is to construct a massive replica of a much loved biscuit (or other confectionary based snack: for example this amazing Creme Egg).

If I may draw your attention in particular to the Custard Cream, the Tunnocks Tea Cake (excellent wrapping) and the Malted Milk (such effort expended in the replication of a remarkably dull biscuit)

It is heartening to know that there are people who are dedicated enough to do such things. It makes our choosing to collate and write a blog about biscuits seem almost normal.

15 Responses

  1. Malted milks…remarkably dull!? Take that back….you take that back now. Part of the loveliness of a Malted Milk is in it’s understated appearance yet delightful compatibility with either a cup of tea or coffee. Just the right dunkability too.

    You strike me as a man easily charmed by the gaudy baubles of a Boaster, and I can’t condemn a person’s biscuit-tastes more keenly than that

    • Oh Hogswash.
      A malted milk ranks only narrowly above the Nice biscuit as the billy-no-mates of the biscuit barrel. All that bucolic relief sculpting detracts attention from the fact that it epitomises the taste of tedium.

      If the malted milk was a butterfly it would be a really small, brown and stupid one.
      If it was an item of clothing it would be a grey sock.

      So there.

  2. I happen to be wearing grey socks

  3. Which rather proves the point Mr Malted Milk Diacono.

  4. I have it on remarkably good authority that you wear grey pants, which rather proves something too *does Gareth Hunt Nescafe sign*

    • I feel that now you are, for lack of reasoned argument, reverting to childish jokes about underwear. I expect you will soon be poking out your tongue and going Nyaaah, Nyaahhh.

      It goes to prove that there is no logical defence available for the Malted Milk Biscuit.
      So there.
      With knobs on.
      And anyway, you stink.

  5. PS I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you were wearing grey socks – and sandals.

  6. Maltedness is a fine defence, ability to withstand the rigours of extreme dunking in either tea of coffee (or for full malty overload, Horlicks). Delightful rural scene thrown in.

    So. Up yours, arseface

    And its *you* wot stinks

  7. Yeah, *wotevah* …you’ll be bigging up the Custard Cream next. Bison breath. Yeah, you.

  8. If there was a fight (with guns and stuff) the Custard cream would whup your Malted Milk no problem.

    “Ooooo, I’m a Malted Milk and I am so scared like a soppy girl. Ooooo, help me mummy!”

  9. Oh, so now it’s got to violence. Charming i must say. Custard cram whup a Malted Milk? As soon as it got a bit warm it’d be all ‘oooh, help, me centre’s all melty, me two halves are sliding around all over the place’. Then we’d see who was hard.

    You’ll be saying Petrocelli couldn’t have had the Chinese Detective in a scrap next.

  10. And the Custard Cream would look much better in proper armour. It has that muscly torso that would make it look like Leonidas, King of the Spartans or (at least) Harry Hamlin in Clash of the Titans.
    The Malted Milk would be about as effective as Ann of Green Gables in hand-to-hand combat. For goodness sake it doesn’t even have a filling *sniggers*

    And even Frank “fatty fatty fat fat” Cannon could beat Vermicelli.

  11. Only by virtue of the Big Daddy splash…

  12. I thought this must have been a popular post with 14 comments, then I saw it was just the two of you. What are you like?

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